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Last week, I finally watched "Sweet Bobby" on Netflix, and it hit close to home. The story of Harkirat Kaur Assi being catfished for nine years reminded me of a friend. Her four-year online relationship turned out to be an elaborate deception by someone she knew – a woman posing as the man she had crushed on at an event. It took a massive toll on her but forget going to the cops she barely spoke about it even with her closest friends. Her silence speaks volumes about how shame and stigma keep these digital deceptions hidden in plain sight.

And her story isn't an isolated incident.

Even more concerning, 39% have fallen prey to romance scammers, while 26% discovered they were chatting with AI bots instead of real people. 

So, what happens when you realise you've been catfished? Surprisingly, catfishing itself isn’t illegal in India. However, various related actions can lead to prosecution. If money is involved, laws such as the Bhartiya Nyaya Sanhita (2023) and the IT Act come into play, addressing issues like cheating and identity theft. Even without financial fraud, charges can arise from stalking, defamation, or even violations related to women's modesty.

But here’s where it gets more concerning. Over the years, the proliferation of smartphones and widespread internet access has made online dating and matchmaking more accessible and popular among Indians. Yet even the more traditional matrimonial websites are flawed; they have fewer verification checks than a Delhi street food vendor has health certificates. As Mumbai's Assistant Police Inspector Rakesh Gawali pointed out, "For everything - vaccinations to bank accounts - one needs Aadhaar card details. Then why can't matrimonial sites make it compulsory for users to upload their identification proof?"

You can read my investigation into matrimonial websites here: Indian Matchmaking Sites Are Full Of Fake Profiles Duping People Of Lakhs

Over the last few days I have seen several memes and reels mocking Harkirat Assi for missing all the red flags, but hey, you can blame her as much as you want but societal pressure around marriage can cloud anyone’s judgment.

It’s also important to remind ourselves that catfishing can happen to anyone, and its repercussions can be severe. Consider the disturbing case from 2019 where Pakistani operatives were caught posing as women online to extract information from Indian soldiers. One operative posed as an "Army nurse" named Anika Chopra – potentially compromising up to 50 soldiers. So catfishing isn't just about broken hearts—it's about broken firewalls.

More recently Alexander McCartney was sentenced to life for his involvement in extensive catfishing that led to the tragic suicide of a young girl. The 26 year old who was accused of targetting approximately 3,500 children aged between 10 and 16, across 30 countries, posed as a girl on Snapchat and blackmailed his victims after acquiring their private photos. 

Often, what starts as catfishing spirals into something more sinister: sextortion. 

In India, there isn’t any data on sextortion cases but recently I spoke to researchers at Social and Media matters- a non profit organisation that aims to raise awareness on online safety - that conducted a study to understand the prevalence of sextortion in India. You can read their report here. 

Following the study, they developed a chatbot called Suraksha AI. The chatbot is designed to provide emotional support and legal advice to sextortion victims. 

We all know that the Internet can be a scary place full of evil strangers, so how do we protect ourselves in this landscape of digital deception? I have a few tips. 

1. Verify Like a CBI Officer: Reverse image search everything. If their profile picture looks like a movie star, it probably is one.

2. Video Call or No Call: Anyone who's "too busy" for a video call but has time for 3 AM texts is suspicious.

3. Report Aggressively: Use those reporting buttons like you forward WhatsApp messages.

4. Document Everything: Keep screenshots of everything – they're your digital evidence.

5. Break the Silence: Many cybercrime cells now have specialised units for such cases. But also talk to your friends. They will be able to see the red flags when you can't.

6. Trust Your Gut: If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Have you or someone you know been catfished? Share your stories (anonymously if you prefer) at [email protected] or reply back to this email.

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